“And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance”
Never has an emotion reverberate through my bones like the way you make me feel. I can’t wait to see you again. It’s funny how I won’t act on this, but it’s making me warm and fuzzy inside that I just want to hold you and be there for you come what may. That alone is enough. I sound silly, but I mean it.
Today I realized I haven’t been happy for a very long time. I broke down and now its time to bounce back, even if I’m stuck in the gutters. What a rollercoaster ride of emotions the last few weeks have been.
What scares me is that I’m taking this way too calmly. I think I’ll take awhile to be okay again. This shouldn’t be it this shouldn’t be it a hundred possibilities await but this shouldn’t be…it. Not now. I don’t belong here, at least for now. I can imagine myself living a whole different life on the other side and i will rather be anywhere but here. At least for now. This, is what is killing me inside, bit by bit. I feel the love around me, but it’s not enough. Not for now. You don’t take Xanax to ease the headache, nor do you take paracetamol to send the cancer into remission. The love I’m receiving…I’m grateful but I’m still not okay. Just for today, I’m not. But I’m trying. I really am.
The last few days have been difficult. Very glad to have my friends around, I love all of you. Special thanks must be made to the two Ds, M, G and B for helping me get through the night and the morning after. Idk where to go from here, but I know I’ll keep moving and sometimes in life, that’s all that matters.